I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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