I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
