idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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