There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
