Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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