Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
