she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You can't just leave with hair like that
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
