After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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