I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I looked at my own cervix.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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