just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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