I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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