Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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