Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The struggles of a small town man whore
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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