My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
