just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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