I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
