she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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