big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
