I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
