So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude i'm inner monologue high
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
