I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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