So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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