the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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