She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
