You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
