She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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