I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
