I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
