It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
