Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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