I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
