Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I want a musical about memes.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
