I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
