Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
even my farts smell like vagina
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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