Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If I had your ass I would rule the world
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
