Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
