ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
