I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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