i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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