you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
