yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
This is my gift to your gina
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
