yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My cat gives me a boner
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
