maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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