A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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