I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
where am i from again
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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