I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You took a bar mat shot.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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