I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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