Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
COCAINE IS GR8
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
