she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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