He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
