Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
