My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
