You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
