i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
