i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
