I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
