is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
