You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
