Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
