I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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