i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
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I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
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just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.