I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
a victory without nudity is not really a victory