i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer