This is not my ceiling
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.