Someone shit on the floor
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.