I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.