im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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