slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
