i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
