I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
