i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
