i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
