btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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